Tuesday, December 30, 2014



Hi! I am coming back to fill this blog up. It's been a long time not posting any writing here and I feel a bit awkward to get myself back to write.
and I now am in the end of this year. As I can count now, it's only 1 more day left for my year. Yup! I call 2014 is my year, a very short year teaching me to be mature, year of learning, year of devastation, year of prosperity, year of love, year of surprises!
2014, for me, is a year full of surprises, like I felt deeply sad and confused and at the same year things I never expected happened. It was more like unexpected gifts and rewards from God were sent directly to me. This is really a year to be so much grateful.

In this last post of 2014, I'm surely not going to share my sadness and confusing stories, so here are my happiest things in this year - sort of kaleidoscope ;)

A thing that all college student wish for! Graduation. Unexpectedly, with much pressure and depression especially in the last year of my study period, I finished my 4 year study in my Uni! The most devastating part, my last research, had finally come to its end. And the last series of these cathartic events is the thesis defense exam. I never thought that it would run very well. Praise the Lord!
Well, if I could tell you, my research was seemed easy for me. Yet, in the process of composing and sort of things, it was troublesome. But I was sure that this process will be useful one day, I should count that! I just could not say a single word and there is only one photo I took since I was busy of being happy.

2. I WORK!
What are you going to do after you get BA in your name? That must be question that everybody ask to fresh-graduate and it is the most irritating question of all. So here is the chronology. First thing first, I never planned anything relating to job, work, making money, moving away from the current town, or things unrelated to academic activities - since I encouraged myself to pursue Master abroad. I prepared myself pretty well, at that time, for Master. Looking for the uni, preparing for IELTS, and such things. This had turned me to lose a bit of my sanity. All of sudden, there was a vacancy in ASEM Education Secretariat, located in Jakarta, to be precise it is in Indonesia MoEC. Never expected any of those things. I idly attended the interview for this brand new secretariat. Just right after the interview session finished, the Boss who is now is my big boss - cool!, send me an email asking me to proofread a letter for his colleague abroad. In my 4 year of learning English, I barely dealt with diplomatic things. This was my new phase to learn new things. Few days after the interview, The Boss again texted me asking my schedule. And finally I worked!

Well, I did not go anywhere. I just stayed a bit longer in Indonesia. But, I got several times wandering around Europe. Netherlands and Latvia :)
Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Old Town, Riga, Latvia

I got nothing but cool experiences and gratefulness. 

Last thing is something making me happy for the whole days of 2014. I just could not directly tell y'all since it is a big secret among human race. ;)

Sunday, April 13, 2014


When I was kid, I got so much troubles around me. I never knew how to stand on it. And I asked mom, why God was so unfair to me? Why He gave me this kind of life while my friends got more happier? Why?
She said, I should not have asked that kind of question. If I believed in God (his existence), I should have accepted all things happened.
And I burried it deep. Never willing to ask it again.


There was a question that I really did not want to ask. It occured, 2years ago. My Mom got a serious problem with her health, my academic was getting really really weak. At the same time, I felt ruined, lonely, gloomy, abandoned, confused, like all the saddest things were in me.

I asked Him, "why? Why me? Why my family? Why, God?"

But, I chose not to recite, not to ask the same question. I chose to keep silent and let it happen. It was his will. I prayed to Him quite a lot, more than I had to.


Now, the almost same questions are coming to me, while I feel like I prayed a lot to God, I obey His rules, I encourage myself with good knowledge making me praise Him way much more than I did before, I accept all trials happily hoping I would get happier life.
But, it always seems to me, I get way much trials than my friends. I knew my friends, Some of them perhaps never prayed, some others did not know the history of their religions, and the others, I assumed, they were Completely apathy toward things about God.

And I see they got way happier, successful, and even cooler than me.
What is happiness actually?
Why is God, somehow, unfair toward me?
Why there are so many trials in mylife, while my belief to Him is great?
Why is it me?
Why it should be me?
Why I cannot get the same happiness like others? Why?
Am I doing wrong? Did I get the original sin whereas I believe every human born without sin?

My Dear God, the only One God, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.
Help me passing through these question. Give me strength for all the trials You give.

Icha, April 13, 2014.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

The Hijab

By the end of March, eight years ago. I made a decision to obey the rule of covering my awrah. At that time, hijab was not the substantial part in my life. Though, my mother had her choice to do it. I, now, never regret it. As many moslem themselves consider to do hijab is only the choice. I never thought so. The obligatory commandment, you do it Allah will save you in the world and the hereafter. you don't do it, allahu alam.
Eight years was that easy. I often took my hijab of in the surrounding of my house. other might see this, but I always try not to forget to not leave them. I just feel like being stripped if I don't put them on.
The surah above is what I really feel now. This is the trial, the temptation, the tease that I should cope with.

I ask God, one day

Short poetry from the bottom of despair